I brought the honeymooners down to earth after they attempted to turn my flight into a hell as payback.

I’m Toby, 35, flying home after weeks abroad, splurging on a premium economy seat for a 14-hour flight. Peace? Not quite. My seatmate, Dave, a newlywed, asked me to swap seats with his wife in economy. I declined unless he covered the $1,000 upgrade. He didn’t, muttering I’d regret it. Cue chaos: loud coughing, an action movie blasting without headphones, snack crumbs everywhere, and his bride, Lia, turning his lap into a honeymoon

suite with giggles and kisses. After an hour, I flagged a flight attendant, listing their disruptions. Despite their protests, airline policy sent them back to economy. I celebrated with a crew-gifted whiskey. They tried sneaking back during turbulence, but I blocked them, and the attendant threatened an air marshal. They slunk away. At LAX, I waved as they shuffled past, red-faced. Reunited with my family, I left Dave and Lia behind—almost. Peace restored, and a wild story gained.