My older sister abused me my entire life and I still don’t understand why

The verbal abuse escalated into physical violence: slapping, punching, choking. She tormented me daily, thriving on making me feel unloved. By age 11, I hated myself, spiraling into depression, anorexia, and social anxiety. My parents didn’t fully grasp the extent of her abuse, mistaking it for sibling rivalry. Even when my mom started to see the truth, nothing changed.

I coped by walking aimlessly for hours, desperate to escape her. I internalized her cruelty and carried immense guilt, even being blamed for worsening my dad’s cancer during his recovery. The emotional toll led to dark chapters, including an abusive relationship at 16 that still haunts me.

The turning point came at 21 when therapy helped me realize her behavior wasn’t normal—it was systematic abuse. I cut her off, forcing my parents to confront the truth. My dad has since apologized, and though forgiving my mom has been harder, I’ve started rebuilding a relationship with her.

Now 25, I’m in college, pursuing a degree in business economics, and doing well. My little brother, who witnessed her behavior, has also gone no-contact with her. We’ve grown close. She’s estranged from everyone now, showing her true narcissistic colors to others.

While I’m healing, I still struggle with the trauma and feelings of inferiority. I mourn the sisterly bond I never had and often wonder why she hated me so intensely. I’m working on myself, thriving in therapy, and building a future I’m proud of.